I started this blog two years ago when I was in postpartum bliss. As a new mom I was thirsty for knowledge about the best toys to buy, the best books to read and what to expect as a parent. I spent a lot of time on Pinterest and reading mommy-blogs and product reviews. It wasn’t long before I felt the call to create my own blog. I was eager to help others they way I felt helped by such a warm community of parents. I was a blog-believer! I also felt like there was a niche for me. I am an older mom - or as one of my doctors once said “of advanced maternal age”. The way I experience motherhood is different at 35 than it would have been if we had been able to have kids 10 years ago. I am also a working mom. I work full-time at a job that I love - and I hadn’t come across as many working mother blogs as I initially expected.
As a new mom I was as tired and overwhelmed as any new parent, but I also felt content in a way I never knew was possible. Those early weeks were spent going to breastfeeding groups and story-time at the library. We took walks around the neighborhood and I would point out the trees and leaves and chatter on about all the new and exciting sites she could view from her stroller. And the pictures. I took so many pictures! So while my little one slept beside me I opened matching twitter and pinterest accounts and I wrote two blog posts. I waited in anticipation for the world to notice me.
You’re laughing. I can hear you laughing at me even as I type these words. If only it was that easy, am I right? And I am talking about motherhood here just as much as blogging. I just didn’t get how challenging either of those things would be. In my defence, you must remember that I was full of new-mom hormones at the time. Not only did my two very short blog posts go completely unnoticed (shocker I know) but my maternity leave ended and I had to go back to work. Suddenly everything shifted from rainbows to storm clouds.
I was completely blindsided with how hard it was to go back to work. Never in my life had I ever considered being a stay-at-home mom. My mom worked. All my friends were working mothers. It wasn’t until I was faced with putting my daugher in the hands of another for eight hours a day that I felt the weight of choices I hadn’t even realized I’d made. What was the point of even having a child if I was going to turn her over to someone else to care for every day? Someone else would feed her, read to her and teach her about the world. How many firsts would I miss? Would she call someone else mom instead of me? What if she loved her more than me? I was completely and totally devastated.
In addition to being gone eight or more hours per day, there was laundry, cooking, shopping, cleaning and all those things we do everyday to take care of ourselves and our families. Suddenly these responsibilities turned to burdens. As she got older, she slept less and decided to boycott babywearing which made my attempts at multi-tasking more challenging. I tried putting things off until she was down for the night but then I was cleaning at 8:30 at night and who wants to do that when you are already grumpy and exhausted? There was no time for blogging. None.
Guilt. Frustration. Resentment. Exhaustion. I felt guilty if every moment of my daughters awake time wasn’t spent together. As more time passed I kept thinking - I need to share what I am going through. I need to blog about this and let other moms know they are not alone in this struggle. I didn’t stop blogging after two posts because no one noticed me. I stopped because seriously, I had no freaking time!
So what’s changed? What brought me back almost two years later? I am still working full-time. I am still a wife and mother and no, unfortunately we didn’t hire a housekeeper. But I have learned some valuable lessons in the last two years that have helped me get through. Because that voice urging me to share my experiences has never stopped. Here are some of the things I have learned that work for me:
Lesson #1: Being a good parent is about quality not quantity. This advice was given to me by a co-worker right after I got back to work. She understood the struggle I was having making the transition and this soon became my mantra. Just because I am working full-time does not mean I am not raising my daughter. My husband and I make parenting decisions together for our daughter and our childcare providers carry out those expectations during our time apart. Eight hours is a lot of time to spend apart each day but it has forced me to be more mindful of how we spend our time together when we have it.
Lesson #2: Keep working with your partner to find balance. Don’t expect to be supermom or superdad without help. We all need it. I waited to long to communicate my feelings with my partner and it could have had huge repercussions. Talk about it. And keep talking about it.
Lesson #3: You ARE going to miss things. My daughter was with my mother the first time she rolled over. She texted me and I started crying right in the middle of a meeting. Thankfully my co-workers were sympathetic but it was a rough moment. Thankfully there are lots of firsts that happen and I have been present for most of them. In my daughter’s baby book there are two dates for the first time she rolled over, one date with Grammy and one with my husband and I.
Lesson #4: Stay home with your child when they are sick. I have never used so much sick time in my life as I have since becoming a parent. But that is what it is for right? No matter what is going on a work, your child needs to know they come first. There is no time that is more important than when they are sick, plus it keeps germs from spreading to other families.
Lesson #5: Technology can be your best friend and also your worst enemy. Use calendars, alerts, and reminders to help schedule your time. But when it is family time, turn off the TV and put your devices away. Don’t text and eat supper. Don’t surf the web while your little one is doing tummy time. Instead, make eye contact. Talk, share and enjoy the moments because they really do go by so incredibly fast.
Lesson #6: Create small routines that are special for the two of you. These create special moments and also help keep you in check when you start to swing out of balance. I have a special song I sing with my daughter in the morning before I drop her off at childcare. It is my way of letting her know I will miss her and look forward to seeing her later. Whether in the morning or evening, I try to make sure we read at least one book together each day. If we miss story time than I know I need to regroup and adjust my time.
Lesson #7: Being at stay at home mom is really hard! I look back on those blissful early days home with my daughter and I have to acknowledge that was when she was a newborn and slept all the time it was much easier to get housework done. Now that she is a toddler who only naps 1.5 hours during the day it is a whole different ball game! When we have days together just the two of us, I get a taste of what being a SAHM must be like. As awesome as those days are, I am always exhausted at the end of them. I miss my daughter when we are apart and that is okay.
Lesson #8: Take pride in your work. I am so fortunate because love the work that I do. I work for an organization that does great things and I am making an important contribution to my family and that has a whole lot of value. Most days I still wish I could carry my daughter around in my pocket like a kangaroo, but in reality, how much fun would that be for her? While we are apart I work my butt off and give 100% to my employer because otherwise the time missed would just not be worth it!
Lesson #9: She is okay. Not just okay, my daughter is thriving. If in anyway, I felt like I was causing her harm - I would find another way. But the reality is that our whole family is doing well with this arrangement. It was a huge adjustment but despite the dishes in the kitchen sink, the toys all over the living room and the fact that I don't remember the last time I got 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, life is good.
So I am back! I have read that to be successful as a blogger you need to write a new post every day. Well folks, that just isn’t going to happen! My goal will be to write a post at least once a week and hope I can figure out how to get the most exposure so that those who will be interested will somehow find me. Fingers crossed it won’t be another two years before my next post!
Thanks for hanging in there. Now it is your turn. Please share what lessons you have learned that helped make your transition back to work easier!
