I'm sure your experience has been no different from mine. People giving unwanted advice. It started in pregnancy and honestly, it hasn't stopped yet. And I will say it: I am a damn good mom! So it isn't like I am royally screwing up and I need to be saved - folks are just well-meaning and can't seem to help themselves.
In addition, so much of the advice I got was around how not to spoil my child or around sleep routines. "If you hold her too much she won't sleep well" people said. "If you rock her or nurse her before a nap she will always need to be rocked or nursed to nap."
But every once in a while someone would share an absolute gem of advice. And this is one that I wish I had followed earlier: HOLD YOUR BABY!
No I am not kidding. It is a simple concept but let me explain more:
One of the biggest shocks to me as a new mom was how MY schedule for doing things switched to HER schedule for doing things. Every time my daughter fell asleep I would immediately put her in her pack and play and RUN to try and get something done. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming etc. I was in a frenzy because I never knew how long those naps would last!
But you CANNOT spoil an infant. It just isn't possible. Ask your Doctor.
One day I had a couple of friends visiting. When it was her nap time I laid her down in the pack n play and continued the visit. I was proud of the fact that she went to sleep on her own and stayed asleep during the visit as we chatted and laughed. I was thinking to myself :"Ta- da! Look at how well my baby sleeps! I am doing this parenting thing pretty well right?!!" But my friend asked me a question that went against all the advice I had heard. "Why don't you hold your baby?"
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| Swaddled and napping in her Pack N Play at 10 days old |
My initial reaction was confusion. Her nap time is MY time to get things done. Or to drink a hot beverage. Or to swear if I need to. I hold her all the time when we laugh, and play or nurse. What do you mean why don't I hold her?
My friend was right.
The next day it was rainy out. I grabbed a stack of books, snacks, water, blankets, my phone and the remote and we made a little mommy and baby snuggle station in the living room. Everything I needed was in reach. And we snuggled in the recliner ALL DAY. I literally held her ALL DAY. When she was awake I read to her. When she slept I got to enjoy reading or watching TV or Pinteresting. We snuggled and stared at each other and it was just wonderful.
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| Snuggled up reading "A fine Romance" by Susan Branch |
Two years have passed and that that day sticks out in my memory as one of the very best day during my maternity leave. I wish I had done this more. It is so true that times goes by in the blink of an eye.
Yes the laundry still needs to be done. Food needs to be cooked. The dog needs a bath and we all know the house won't clean itself. But after that rainy day I made a point to allow myself to rock her to sleep once in a while. I would hold her while she slept and enjoy the new baby smell of her hair and the little grip of her fingers. We should not feel guilty for taking advantage of nap time to get things done. But we also shouldn't feel guilty when we hold our babies either. I wasn't spoiling her by holding her. I was recharging my soul.
